She Will ALWAYs Be My Baby Girl

So since shiloh was born we have had the hardest time getting her to sleep in a bassinet, crib & playpen. It's been a back & forth battle that has put a lot of strain on us. Shiloh will cry at night in her crib.. sometimes I let her cry for an hour sometimes a little less. Other times she falls asleep after crying so long but only for a few hours & then wakes up screaming.. so into our bed she goes. I have tried EVERYTHING!! I have let her fall asleep on the couch with us then we put her in her bed & then she will wake up almost always in the middle of the night crying again. We have tried letting her just cry & cry & cry & it just never stops so what do we end up doing.. bringing her in our bed. Some nights we are lucky & we get a full nights sleep & our beds to ourselves but not always like it should be. I can't remember the last night I had a good nights sleep.. or my back didn't hurt from only getting a smidge of the bed because Shiloh has decided to sleep horizontal in the bed. I can't remember having a week where I didn't wake up to a foot in my face.. kick in the ribs.. or her head butting me. The bigger she gets the worse it is. Don't get me wrong I love snuggling my baby.. I love that she hates being away from us.. but I also love sleep & to be comfortable while I sleep.

So we have gone back and forth since she turned a year old about converting her to a bed.. the questions that we have been replaying are like a broken record: "Is she too young still" "Should we just fight it a little longer" "We need to be stronger about not getting her" "Do we get her a toddler bed, convert her crib or just get her a twin bed" "Are we bad parents because we can't get her to sleep in her bed" "Do we spoil her" "If we get her a bed then this means she isn't a baby anymore doesn't it" so now not only have I been loosing sleep because sharing the bed or being woken up to her crying but now I have been having anxiety that keeps me up late & questions & thoughts replaying in my head.

So we finally decided it was time. Time for Shiloh to have a big girl bed.. we have been looking at different ideas for the last few months & today we went & looked again & had her test them out & she was quite the trooper. I must say if she had it completely her way she would get a bunk bed because she loved those for sure.. but they scare me & I don't want a bed that big in my baby girls room. We thought about a twin bed but they were all so high she would have a heck of a time getting in & out. We really were going to get her a daybed with a trundle bed so when she had sleep overs with Olivia or her cousin or for days I had B at our house there would be an extra bed.. but it just seemed like a big bed for her & it was pretty expensive because I wanted the wood one of course. In the end we ended up getting her a simple cute toddler bed from Target. It was inexpensive & we ended up finding some really cute bedding to go with it.

Once Stephen was done putting it together we let Shiloh in to see what she thought & this was her reaction:

So a new milestone has started. Shiloh is no longer a baby.. she is officially a toddler in her sweet toddler bed with her sweet self. Lets cross our fingers she will now sleep in her room in her bed & allow us to have a our bed to ourselves now.

Getting So Big

My baby is growing up. The past few days I have noticed how independent & how smart Shiloh is becoming. She now knows where the pantry is so when I ask her if she wants a snack she runs to the pantry, when I ask her if she is sleepy & if she wants a nap she will say nap or seepy, tonight I asked her to get me her juice cup so I could give her some juice for dinner & she brought me her juice & at dinner tonight she was so determind to use her fork with dinner.. & it was so cute watching her get her corn on her fork... baby forks are so dull so she would pick them up & put it on the fork then in her mouth.. my baby is getting So Big so fast :-(

..showing mama where the food is at..

..This was snack time today..

..This is her poor toe that a picture frame dropped on when we were moving this past weekend..

..so sad..

Decade in Review:

2000: Moved to Nevada after 18 years of living in Central Florida to live with my Father & Step Mom. Graduated High School & started working a full time job at Sprint & also attended community college part time. Got my first credit card at Macy's. Met one of my best friends, ended my relationship with my high school boyfriend & started dating a co-worker. Went to Hawaii for the first time that April. Bought my first car a 1999 Jetta GTI {loved that car} Moved out on my own for the first time & learned how to pay my own bills & to budget
2001: Still worked for Sprint & stopped attending community college. The 9/11 attacks happened & I am stricken with heartache & sadness. I start having relationship problems & my depression sets in. Got my first fake ID & start parting with my older friends. Also traded in my Jetta for a 2001 Passatt.
2002: Quit Sprint in May & start working for Charter Communications. Trade my Passatt in for a 2001 GTI. I turn 21 & can now drink legally. Boyfriend & I move in together in July & 3 months later I call it quits for good. At this point very depressed & unsure of myself I start parting & I met a new guy in December.
2003: I quit Charter Communications after moving to California to live with new boyfriend. Start working for BPO Tracker  & so happy I found a job I love. In June I leave I leave boyfriend. I decided that I want to move back to Florida to be with my sister & her new daughter. I move to FL in July & met my new nice, who was born June 17th 2003. Run into my ex boyfriend, we start dating. I rent a house from my Mom & Poppy.
2004: I start working for Cingular Wireless in January. Decided that I don't want a boyfriend & I break up with then boyfriend. For the next 2 years I do not date anyone. One of my friends from Nevada visits me in Florida. I quit Cingular & start selling Timeshare for the summer. Then after summer I start working as cosmetics manager & I find what I love to do. Then 4 hurricans hit FL, setting me back money wise so I decide it is time for me to move back to Nevada.
2005: I get my old job back at BPO Tracker which is now Clear Capital. Move in with Lorri & her roommate. Also decided to take up a part time job at Home Depot at night. My sister gets hitched in April. I start working as much overtime as possible at Clear Capital & quit Home Depot. Start parting a lot in Lake Tahoe with Lorri & realizing I am on a path of destruction. I take a visit to see one of my friends in Oregon in July. Fall in love with Oregon & decided to move there in September & start attending the Art Institute of Portland.
2006: After a month of going to the Art Institute I quit due to finances & start working for AIU in January. Was introduced to my roommates friend & we started dating in February. Was laid off from AIU in April & go on unemployment for the next 6 months. I start to realize that my boyfriend is major alcholic & friendships start to fall apart. Trade in my GTI for a 2005 Honda Accord. My nephew is Born July 26th & I am sad that I am not there to meet him. (it was a year & 1/2 before I actually did) Start working for Capital Credit & Collections in September. I learn that not everyone is who they claim to be & that I am better off without certain people in my life this year. In October I get diagnosed with a serious health condition have surgery & am told that I may not be able to carry a child & that conceiving may be a challenge for me as well which leaves me scared & very sad. I met my OC family {some who are now my best of friends}
2007: In February I quit my job at Capital Credit to move back to Nevada only to change my mind & stay in Oregon in & find a new job at GolfNow.com. My grandfather Herb passes away & I am crushed. I cut my leg open in a parking lot which has now left a huge scare all the way down my leg in April. Boyfriend & I visit Seattle for my 26th birthday & I realize that our relationship is over. My friend & I move in together. Pick up a second job at Old Chicago at night. Ilana introduces me to my future husband the man who swept me off my feet & I am so glad she did in August. He chases me all over but I am unsure about him & about starting something serious. Labor Day weekend I cut my foot open on glass at the river & refuse to go to the hospital. My foot gets infected & I have to take 3 weeks off from Old Chicago & go to painful foot treatments weekly. Thanksgiving I spend with my roommate & her family & realize I am ready to settle down. Call Stephen & confess my feelings. Stephen & I are officially a couple in December & I spend Christmas with his family in Bend.
2008: January 24th we find out we are pregnant & Stephen proposes. I again learn who my real friends are & struggle with having to let certain people out of my life. Start planing my wedding & I pick out my wedding party. Due to being very sick while pregnant I am told if I don't eat more I will have to be hospitalized in March. Trade in the Honda for My 2007 Ford Edge best car ever! On April 24th my Great Grandma passes away & on the same day my cousin gives birth to her first baby. On May 10th I became a Mrs. & I quit my job to be a stay at home wife & Mom. On May 19th we find out we are having a Girl & my Granny passes away on the 26th. Attend my first DTC Managers & Wives outing in Sunriver & went to Hawaii in June . September I attend my first DTC Company Party & 6 days later my water breaks, two weeks before my due date. Labor goes smoothly & on Septmeber 19th 2008 at 2:23 AM I am now a Mommy!! We welcome our little miracle into our lives one of the happiest days of my life!!
2009: In February we bring Shiloh on her first plan ride to Florida to meet the rest of my family. In March Stephen decides to take a store in Washington so we put our house on the market & move within two weeks. I have to say bye to my best friends in Oregon & head for a new beginning with Shiloh & Stephen in Seattle. In April we decided that we want to start trying for baby #2 & that having two dogs in an apartment with an infant is too much for us so we say our goodbyes to our puppies :-(. In May we celebrate our first Wedding Anniversary & my first Mothers Day. My niece is born on May 26th & I find out that I have to have surgery again. In June we attend another DTC event this time in Idaho, Stephen has his first Fathers Day & we find out my sister in law is expecting. In August I have surgery & we take a family trip to San Antonio where my sister in law gets married & Shiloh & I are introduced to the rest of Stephen's family. Shiloh's first birthday was celebrated in September & then in October after months of trying for baby #2 I am diagnosed with PCOS & Shiloh has her first ER visit. For Thanksgiving my dad & step mom visit as well as Stephen's uncle & cousin. In December My mother in laws father passes away & on Christmas & her birthday my sister in law gets engaged.

This decade taught me so much about love, friendship, life, excepting, the circle of life, depression, illness, marriage, life in general, motherhood & family. I had a lot of struggles but also a lot of great memories & I wouldn't change a thing. My life path has led me to exactly where I want to be & I couldn't be happier. I Thank God for giving me the strength to make it through all of my ups & downs & for guiding me & standing by me along the way. My life is all I could have ever dreamed it to be & more. I can't wait to see what this next decade will bring for me & my loved ones.
Happy 2010 to all of you!